i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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