The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
