Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
