Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
