I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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