I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
