what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
