I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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