On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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