there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
