Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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