I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
