FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
