i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
