I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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