You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
