I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
