WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
