Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
