We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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