just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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