I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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