I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
