we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
