Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
