I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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