Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
