If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
