If that was your dad, he is hot
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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