Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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