jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
