I need to stop coming to work sober
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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