Christians are straight up FREAKS
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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