i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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