i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
