THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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