You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
