i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
