just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
