Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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