Got a toothbrush?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
