She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
