So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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