Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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