I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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