I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
