did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
