Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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