If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
