Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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