Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
