The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
